Time Slows Down

Today, twice I double checked my phone for its clock… it seems that I gained extra time in this Peet’s Coffee shop. That almost never happens to me. It could be that this is the first true alone time I have had in weeks. 

I worked on the book for a bit. I need to use my bigger screen at home to get the paragraph spacing right, and see the layout.. and try to get the pagination right ( and trimmed so Squid doesn’t cil me.) It is exciting to work on it. I know we don’t have an agent.. that there’s no flashy book tour, but I feel good knowing that the proceeds all go to SEPTAR and there are kids who might read the words on those pages and feel just a little bit better, a little less alone. God willing and the creek don’t rise, the book should be available mid-November.

Jake and I went to urgent care yesterday. He does not have a broken meta-tarsal, as was feared. After a few x-rays we discovered he had only chipped a little tiny bit off of a little bitty bone. Given that one quarter of all the bones in the human body are in the feet, it is not surprising that he would break something. We are having the convergence I think of a few things:

• Jake has profound disabilities. He is unable to effectively communicate when he is in danger or injured. 
• Jake does have cerebral palsy. We forget this sometimes because he is so physical, and he eats by mouth and he has no tubes or crutches, and mostly does not use a wheelchair. Most of the kids we know with CP, they are more stereotypical. 
• Jake is an eight year old boy. He loves to climb and jump and explore and race around and feel the dirt between his toes. 
• Jake likes being in bare feet.

I had not actually prepared for weekly urgent care/hospital visits. I did not break any bones until I was 11 I think. By his age I had chipped a tooth,  and had stitches (once), but I’m pretty sure I didn’t break anything until the roller skating incident. They used to have speed skate/a race at least once during each skate night. I was pretty fast, but not that fast, and was especially not in the winner category when I tripped over my own slates and landed on my right wrist. I also broke my left wrist falling off of someone’s back in a game of horse (now who the hell was I ever smaller than? Perhaps that’s why I fell?), and the third break, on my right arm again was from? I have no idea. I just remember that I had a wrist brace on both arms for three days during a period of time when one was healing and the other had been fractured.

Anywhoooo. I guess I forgot that Jake would get injured from normal playing too. I read a lot. I played some sports and rode my bike, but for the most part, Jake’s play life is much more physical than mine ever was. I am trying to find a balance between keeping him safe and keeping him from being bored. 

Jake’s bus is coming soon. I must swill my coffee and head back home to pick him up from the bus. It’s been a nice little vortex here, full of time, no children,  many business conversations going on around me. I am well caffeinated now, and thus fortified against what this afternoon may bring. Hopefully no injuries. These co-pays are killing me.

Time Slows Down

Today, twice I double checked my phone for its clock… it seems that I gained extra time in this Peet’s Coffee shop. That almost never happens to me. It could be that this is the first true alone time I have had in weeks. 

I worked on the book for a bit. I need to use my bigger screen at home to get the paragraph spacing right, and see the layout.. and try to get the pagination right ( and trimmed so Squid doesn’t cil me.) It is exciting to work on it. I know we don’t have an agent.. that there’s no flashy book tour, but I feel good knowing that the proceeds all go to SEPTAR and there are kids who might read the words on those pages and feel just a little bit better, a little less alone. God willing and the creek don’t rise, the book should be available mid-November.

Jake and I went to urgent care yesterday. He does not have a broken meta-tarsal, as was feared. After a few x-rays we discovered he had only chipped a little tiny bit off of a little bitty bone. Given that one quarter of all the bones in the human body are in the feet, it is not surprising that he would break something. We are having the convergence I think of a few things:

• Jake has profound disabilities. He is unable to effectively communicate when he is in danger or injured. 
• Jake does have cerebral palsy. We forget this sometimes because he is so physical, and he eats by mouth and he has no tubes or crutches, and mostly does not use a wheelchair. Most of the kids we know with CP, they are more stereotypical. 
• Jake is an eight year old boy. He loves to climb and jump and explore and race around and feel the dirt between his toes. 
• Jake likes being in bare feet.

I had not actually prepared for weekly urgent care/hospital visits. I did not break any bones until I was 11 I think. By his age I had chipped a tooth,  and had stitches (once), but I’m pretty sure I didn’t break anything until the roller skating incident. They used to have speed skate/a race at least once during each skate night. I was pretty fast, but not that fast, and was especially not in the winner category when I tripped over my own slates and landed on my right wrist. I also broke my left wrist falling off of someone’s back in a game of horse (now who the hell was I ever smaller than? Perhaps that’s why I fell?), and the third break, on my right arm again was from? I have no idea. I just remember that I had a wrist brace on both arms for three days during a period of time when one was healing and the other had been fractured.

Anywhoooo. I guess I forgot that Jake would get injured from normal playing too. I read a lot. I played some sports and rode my bike, but for the most part, Jake’s play life is much more physical than mine ever was. I am trying to find a balance between keeping him safe and keeping him from being bored. 

Jake’s bus is coming soon. I must swill my coffee and head back home to pick him up from the bus. It’s been a nice little vortex here, full of time, no children,  many business conversations going on around me. I am well caffeinated now, and thus fortified against what this afternoon may bring. Hopefully no injuries. These co-pays are killing me.

Chit Chat

Sometimes in this little Special Needs community I have become a part of, we joke that the “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Meaning that it is not always surprising to meet the parents of a special needs kid and discover they are just as odd if not more quirky than their child.

I have noticed lately that little Lucy is a rather chatty little girl. She came out ready to go. At 2 hours old she had her eyes wide open and her mouth poised to speak. She has a LOT to say. She says it well, very well even, for a not yet 2.5 year old in big long sentences sometimes. She is remarkable, and people, friends, find it amusing to note that she “talks almost as much as her mother.”

That’s the other thing about these quirky kids, and more often their parents… we don’t aways get social cues. This was one area that I had always thought myself rather savvy, the social cues part, but I am thinking lately that I have really, really, not heard all of the subtle and not so subtle ways people have been letting me know that I talk too much; too much, too often, over people, through people, dominating conversations and dictating when others speak. This trait I had always put on my assets side, the side with thin ankles and a college education, when it’s looking more like this trait falls, apparently much more solidly on the side with thinning hair and my inability to remember people’s names. I am ashamed.

I have always filled the space. Ask my sister, my dad. It’s a family joke right? Actually I think I AM the family joke, and now with a bunch of people I really admire, I am starting to feel that way too.

How does it happen that something I thought was a skill, something I actually liked about myself, has become something that has gotten away from me and has ultimately turned into a flaw? Does this happen to other people? Are there things you thought you were good at that end up being something everyone else hates about you? Something you never thought of as a problem that once it comes to light makes you toss and turn?

We are loathe to label our children because we are afraid it will define them, limit them, make it so it’s hard for people to look past their disability. What if they change or develop past that label? Will anyone notice, or will they look at what was decided about them years before and just prejudge them? What about when I am introduced as someone who talks “more than anyone else on the entire planet”? What chance do I have to learn new tricks there? Or will I also disappoint if I am tired and just don’t feel like holding up both ends of the conversation? I used to love, love, sharing something funny that happened in my life, but I am realizing that I am so self conscious lately that I almost found myself unable to speak in front of a crowd the other night when I was on a panel. I’ve been speaking, or singing, in front of audiences since I was in the third grade. It’s something I have done hundreds of times and enjoyed every single time without butterflies, and the last several times? well…

It’s good to face your flaws. It’s good to have people care enough to point them out to you. It gives you a chance to right them. Better now before I’m 40 so maybe I have a chance at the second half of my life of being a little less ego centric and little less selfish. Maybe I can ask more questions. I can hold my tongue and not share my opinion, because Lord knows I have one on every subject. I have already tried the not calling people thing; I don’t need to be that phone call that people dread answering.

Although, and I’ll be honest, I can have this sick feeling in my stomach and vow every night that tomorrow I will keep my mouth closed, but in the moment.. I don’t know how. I don’t know how to keep a story inside. I don’t know how to give the short response. I don’t understand how to keep the phone on the table when I want to share something. I don’t know what it’s like to walk past other people in the grocery store or on the street and not say hello, or chat with the checker or the person behind me in line. I’ve been teaching Lucy that we do not stare. I’ve been teaching that when we make eye contact with someone we say “Hello” or “Good morning” or “How are you?” I’ve been teaching her because people are going to be staring at my family a lot over her lifetime and I want her to be armed with words so she can make the situation of having a brother with special needs less awkward.. for herself, for others.

Lately I’m feeling like it’s just one more thing I am doing wrong in the parenting department because clearly it’s not working out for me to have learned to be a “Chatty Kathy”.

Chit Chat

Sometimes in this little Special Needs community I have become a part of, we joke that the “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Meaning that it is not always surprising to meet the parents of a special needs kid and discover they are just as odd if not more quirky than their child.

I have noticed lately that little Lucy is a rather chatty little girl. She came out ready to go. At 2 hours old she had her eyes wide open and her mouth poised to speak. She has a LOT to say. She says it well, very well even, for a not yet 2.5 year old in big long sentences sometimes. She is remarkable, and people, friends, find it amusing to note that she “talks almost as much as her mother.”

That’s the other thing about these quirky kids, and more often their parents… we don’t aways get social cues. This was one area that I had always thought myself rather savvy, the social cues part, but I am thinking lately that I have really, really, not heard all of the subtle and not so subtle ways people have been letting me know that I talk too much; too much, too often, over people, through people, dominating conversations and dictating when others speak. This trait I had always put on my assets side, the side with thin ankles and a college education, when it’s looking more like this trait falls, apparently much more solidly on the side with thinning hair and my inability to remember people’s names. I am ashamed.

I have always filled the space. Ask my sister, my dad. It’s a family joke right? Actually I think I AM the family joke, and now with a bunch of people I really admire, I am starting to feel that way too.

How does it happen that something I thought was a skill, something I actually liked about myself, has become something that has gotten away from me and has ultimately turned into a flaw? Does this happen to other people? Are there things you thought you were good at that end up being something everyone else hates about you? Something you never thought of as a problem that once it comes to light makes you toss and turn?

We are loathe to label our children because we are afraid it will define them, limit them, make it so it’s hard for people to look past their disability. What if they change or develop past that label? Will anyone notice, or will they look at what was decided about them years before and just prejudge them? What about when I am introduced as someone who talks “more than anyone else on the entire planet”? What chance do I have to learn new tricks there? Or will I also disappoint if I am tired and just don’t feel like holding up both ends of the conversation? I used to love, love, sharing something funny that happened in my life, but I am realizing that I am so self conscious lately that I almost found myself unable to speak in front of a crowd the other night when I was on a panel. I’ve been speaking, or singing, in front of audiences since I was in the third grade. It’s something I have done hundreds of times and enjoyed every single time without butterflies, and the last several times? well…

It’s good to face your flaws. It’s good to have people care enough to point them out to you. It gives you a chance to right them. Better now before I’m 40 so maybe I have a chance at the second half of my life of being a little less ego centric and little less selfish. Maybe I can ask more questions. I can hold my tongue and not share my opinion, because Lord knows I have one on every subject. I have already tried the not calling people thing; I don’t need to be that phone call that people dread answering.

Although, and I’ll be honest, I can have this sick feeling in my stomach and vow every night that tomorrow I will keep my mouth closed, but in the moment.. I don’t know how. I don’t know how to keep a story inside. I don’t know how to give the short response. I don’t understand how to keep the phone on the table when I want to share something. I don’t know what it’s like to walk past other people in the grocery store or on the street and not say hello, or chat with the checker or the person behind me in line. I’ve been teaching Lucy that we do not stare. I’ve been teaching that when we make eye contact with someone we say “Hello” or “Good morning” or “How are you?” I’ve been teaching her because people are going to be staring at my family a lot over her lifetime and I want her to be armed with words so she can make the situation of having a brother with special needs less awkward.. for herself, for others.

Lately I’m feeling like it’s just one more thing I am doing wrong in the parenting department because clearly it’s not working out for me to have learned to be a “Chatty Kathy”.

A is for Apple

Jake ate an apple. Really. All by himself. Not chopped up, not pre-speared on a fork. He ate an apple.  He ate the apple pictured below on the right. 

  

Bite by bite he picked up the apple, took a nibble then set it down on the counter. Then he picked it up again, chose the next bite and took that one too. I started to cry. 

I told him I was really proud of him. Lucy, not really understanding the great accomplishment, but loathe to miss an opportunity to be a part of a good time, ran up and said “Good job. Jake loves apples!” 

Jake has never been able to do this before. Well, if we did let him have his own apple he would eat indiscriminately, core, stem, seeds, whichever. This time I watched him choose the next bite. 

Sorry to be obsessing over this seemingly small task but add it to this little list:

• new skill: Jake can pull the covers over himself as he lies in bed. 
• After grabbing the hair of a little girl on the play structure on Thursday (as she raced by him). I said “Jake! LET GO!” and he unclenched his fist, her shiny hair then slid past his palm and it looked more like the hello he was trying for and less like an attack.
• new skill: After being unbuckled, Jake walks off the bus without assistance and grabs my hand at the door.
• Jake tried to tickle his sister tonight after she tickled him. He touched her stomach, instead of a random grab for whatever part he could find. 
• Jake sat and listened to the entire story “The Giving Tree” when I just read it to him tonight.

It has been a pretty rough month…maybe even six weeks. Colds and migraines and general fussiness, and now, once again it feels like we have some small but significant gains in the aftermath. 

I will need to remind myself the next time I am in those dark hours, that this light feels so very good.

A is for Apple

Jake ate an apple. Really. All by himself. Not chopped up, not pre-speared on a fork. He ate an apple.  He ate the apple pictured below on the right. 

  

Bite by bite he picked up the apple, took a nibble then set it down on the counter. Then he picked it up again, chose the next bite and took that one too. I started to cry. 

I told him I was really proud of him. Lucy, not really understanding the great accomplishment, but loathe to miss an opportunity to be a part of a good time, ran up and said “Good job. Jake loves apples!” 

Jake has never been able to do this before. Well, if we did let him have his own apple he would eat indiscriminately, core, stem, seeds, whichever. This time I watched him choose the next bite. 

Sorry to be obsessing over this seemingly small task but add it to this little list:

• new skill: Jake can pull the covers over himself as he lies in bed. 
• After grabbing the hair of a little girl on the play structure on Thursday (as she raced by him). I said “Jake! LET GO!” and he unclenched his fist, her shiny hair then slid past his palm and it looked more like the hello he was trying for and less like an attack.
• new skill: After being unbuckled, Jake walks off the bus without assistance and grabs my hand at the door.
• Jake tried to tickle his sister tonight after she tickled him. He touched her stomach, instead of a random grab for whatever part he could find. 
• Jake sat and listened to the entire story “The Giving Tree” when I just read it to him tonight.

It has been a pretty rough month…maybe even six weeks. Colds and migraines and general fussiness, and now, once again it feels like we have some small but significant gains in the aftermath. 

I will need to remind myself the next time I am in those dark hours, that this light feels so very good.

Time flies…

when you are having as much fun as we’ve been having. We went to Tahoe last Wednesday night and I am so glad we left for the holiday weekend early. I had Jake’s aide at the house keeping the kids busy while we packed the car, Descartes still worked a full day and it only took us 4 hours to get there so we still had an evening with grown ups once we got there.

We went to the beach on the third. Baldwin beach, where we baptized little Lucy (that seems like a hundred years ago…). It was so great to have Jake be happy, happy and comfortable in/near the water and in the sand (since sorting earth has been a recent favorite past time of his). He waded into the lake, smiled a lot and didn’t steal any toys from small children (once we gave him his own shovel). Lucy was very excited, and I am proud to say that as much as she really likes her Sugar Plum Fairy ballet costume, she was even more eager to chase the minnows in the lakeside stream. “It tickles!” she exclaimed loudly enough for the minnow to swim away.

It is a personal goal of mine to raise a daughter who is just as comfortable in hiking boots as she is in high heels. I am also hoping she can easily tie a tippet to the leader, tie a bow tie and tie an apron. Somehow right? She can choose who she wants to be, but I want her to learn all the parts so she can know what she is and isn’t choosing. Does that make sense? Anywhoo. I was thrilled then when the a couple of days later, Lucy stood there in a little dress calling for me to check out the biggest ant she’d ever seen. That’s my girl. No Lucy leave the ant alone he doesn’t need to be on your finger…

It was tiring at the beach, the sun, the altitude, ensuring that one of us was with each kid at all times. They can’t really be managed by one person right now. Not with water and parking lots and other families. Descartes was able to give Jake some physical space and let him get about 3 yards away. I let him get to about 5 yards at one point. It’s hard to give him the space and independence he so desires without putting us too far back should he need us, quickly as he sometimes does. We’re trying, and I know he had a really good time. Of course we should have left 5 minutes earlier, which would have been just a few minutes after I said to Descartes, “We should go, it’s probably about time for Jake to poop, and I don’t want to deal with the swim diaper.” Ah. If I could only listen sometimes…perhaps that will be a gift I receive in my 40s. That part of the day sucked with a capital SUCK, but I carry wipes and nitrile gloves and baggies and extra pull ups and clothes and a loving husband who is willing to grab any one of those things, or hold a struggling kid even when I use my highly-directive voice. It worked out just fine.

We went for a bike ride on the Fourth of July. It was pretty much a perfect day. We moved much faster than vehicular traffic that’s for darn sure, and the kids had a giggly, napping sort of time. We rented trailers and bikes because we had been too tired to bring our own, but, as it turns out our bike trailer for Jake is actually a lot taller, longer and perfect for him. His head stuck out the rented trailer so he had no sun shade, and with a flick of his foot his toes could just reach Descartes’ back tire. Let me tell you how (not) awesome it is to watch your hypotonic child throw his foot over the edge of the bike trailer, have his gigantor size 4 shoe get caught under the bar and have his ankle roll around until his foot popped back out. I was riding behind the boys, with Lucy in my trailer, and I was fairly certain that not only was I going to watch my son’s foot fly off, but I was possibly going to run it over, thereby making my life truly a horror story. With fairly constant “reminders” Jake stayed inside the trailer doing wacky things like nearly lying on his back with his feet at the top,tapping his feet on the bar that attaches the trailer to the bike, and occasionally flipping his $60.00 shoes off. The good news is that the ice cream at Camp Rich was cheap. $2.50 for a huge HUGE kid’s scoop, and that pretty made much made us forget that it was really scary. We will probably do it again.

Saturday we went to the South Lake Tahoe rec center park which is all gated-in HURRAH! I am so happy that people have figured out that parents feel safe when their kids can’t run into the parking lot. It has a terrific play structure and swings and a volleyball court, and picnic tables. Lucy went on the big kid swing for the first time; all by herself with no back-up. I teared-up of course. She never really was a baby, but she is just catapulting past the milestones.

Jake spent a lot of time watching everything, sifting through the bark and sand. It is so hard sometimes to help him engage. I took him up on the play structure (something he does on his own at school)but he got panicky before I could help him on the slide. Perhaps he does have some depth perception issues? He did sit really happily cuddled against me on a park bench for a while. That was crazy. It is so uncommon for Jake to sit and cuddle that Jaster and Demanda stayed back, afraid to interrupt the mood. It made me feel very close to him at just the right moment. I have been missing him lately, all the while spending more time than I normally do with him. How is it possible for me to understand him so intimately, guess so many of his needs, and feel so distant from him.
note to self: I need to make a list of the things I know make Jake happy, things we can do together since it is all too easy to let him go off on his own, scattering pebbles and sifting the bark out of my flower beds.

We had such a nice weekend it was hard to leave, but managed to get it together and head home early Saturday evening. Once again we skipped most of the traffic. Lucy was so tired she whined a lot of the way. Jake just smirked in her direction.

Time flies…

when you are having as much fun as we’ve been having. We went to Tahoe last Wednesday night and I am so glad we left for the holiday weekend early. I had Jake’s aide at the house keeping the kids busy while we packed the car, Descartes still worked a full day and it only took us 4 hours to get there so we still had an evening with grown ups once we got there.

We went to the beach on the third. Baldwin beach, where we baptized little Lucy (that seems like a hundred years ago…). It was so great to have Jake be happy, happy and comfortable in/near the water and in the sand (since sorting earth has been a recent favorite past time of his). He waded into the lake, smiled a lot and didn’t steal any toys from small children (once we gave him his own shovel). Lucy was very excited, and I am proud to say that as much as she really likes her Sugar Plum Fairy ballet costume, she was even more eager to chase the minnows in the lakeside stream. “It tickles!” she exclaimed loudly enough for the minnow to swim away.

It is a personal goal of mine to raise a daughter who is just as comfortable in hiking boots as she is in high heels. I am also hoping she can easily tie a tippet to the leader, tie a bow tie and tie an apron. Somehow right? She can choose who she wants to be, but I want her to learn all the parts so she can know what she is and isn’t choosing. Does that make sense? Anywhoo. I was thrilled then when the a couple of days later, Lucy stood there in a little dress calling for me to check out the biggest ant she’d ever seen. That’s my girl. No Lucy leave the ant alone he doesn’t need to be on your finger…

It was tiring at the beach, the sun, the altitude, ensuring that one of us was with each kid at all times. They can’t really be managed by one person right now. Not with water and parking lots and other families. Descartes was able to give Jake some physical space and let him get about 3 yards away. I let him get to about 5 yards at one point. It’s hard to give him the space and independence he so desires without putting us too far back should he need us, quickly as he sometimes does. We’re trying, and I know he had a really good time. Of course we should have left 5 minutes earlier, which would have been just a few minutes after I said to Descartes, “We should go, it’s probably about time for Jake to poop, and I don’t want to deal with the swim diaper.” Ah. If I could only listen sometimes…perhaps that will be a gift I receive in my 40s. That part of the day sucked with a capital SUCK, but I carry wipes and nitrile gloves and baggies and extra pull ups and clothes and a loving husband who is willing to grab any one of those things, or hold a struggling kid even when I use my highly-directive voice. It worked out just fine.

We went for a bike ride on the Fourth of July. It was pretty much a perfect day. We moved much faster than vehicular traffic that’s for darn sure, and the kids had a giggly, napping sort of time. We rented trailers and bikes because we had been too tired to bring our own, but, as it turns out our bike trailer for Jake is actually a lot taller, longer and perfect for him. His head stuck out the rented trailer so he had no sun shade, and with a flick of his foot his toes could just reach Descartes’ back tire. Let me tell you how (not) awesome it is to watch your hypotonic child throw his foot over the edge of the bike trailer, have his gigantor size 4 shoe get caught under the bar and have his ankle roll around until his foot popped back out. I was riding behind the boys, with Lucy in my trailer, and I was fairly certain that not only was I going to watch my son’s foot fly off, but I was possibly going to run it over, thereby making my life truly a horror story. With fairly constant “reminders” Jake stayed inside the trailer doing wacky things like nearly lying on his back with his feet at the top,tapping his feet on the bar that attaches the trailer to the bike, and occasionally flipping his $60.00 shoes off. The good news is that the ice cream at Camp Rich was cheap. $2.50 for a huge HUGE kid’s scoop, and that pretty made much made us forget that it was really scary. We will probably do it again.

Saturday we went to the South Lake Tahoe rec center park which is all gated-in HURRAH! I am so happy that people have figured out that parents feel safe when their kids can’t run into the parking lot. It has a terrific play structure and swings and a volleyball court, and picnic tables. Lucy went on the big kid swing for the first time; all by herself with no back-up. I teared-up of course. She never really was a baby, but she is just catapulting past the milestones.

Jake spent a lot of time watching everything, sifting through the bark and sand. It is so hard sometimes to help him engage. I took him up on the play structure (something he does on his own at school)but he got panicky before I could help him on the slide. Perhaps he does have some depth perception issues? He did sit really happily cuddled against me on a park bench for a while. That was crazy. It is so uncommon for Jake to sit and cuddle that Jaster and Demanda stayed back, afraid to interrupt the mood. It made me feel very close to him at just the right moment. I have been missing him lately, all the while spending more time than I normally do with him. How is it possible for me to understand him so intimately, guess so many of his needs, and feel so distant from him.
note to self: I need to make a list of the things I know make Jake happy, things we can do together since it is all too easy to let him go off on his own, scattering pebbles and sifting the bark out of my flower beds.

We had such a nice weekend it was hard to leave, but managed to get it together and head home early Saturday evening. Once again we skipped most of the traffic. Lucy was so tired she whined a lot of the way. Jake just smirked in her direction.

"I’ll Miss You Daddy"

Yup. That’s what our two year old said as she hugged Daddy one last time. She packed her Princess purse (thanks a LOT Squid) with her keys (an old key attached to an old doggie collar tag, her cell phone (princess phone stolen from cousin Bubsy), a kitchen timer shaped like an ice cream cone (a “time out timer” from Monster, we keep calling it a cupcake) and a small zebra.

Lucy gave her brother a hug, sat in my lap and held me, then marched out to the car. She waved good bye from her car sear, asked Papa to “Turn engine on please.” for the A/C and they left for the week. That is one independent kid.

I cried a little. A little because I will miss her. A little because my “baby” is able to be without me for a week!

and a little because she was able to tell me she loves me and tell her Daddy that he will be missed. Those last two are a few messages we don’t get to hear from Jake, though I know he thinks them. I am just so thankful that Lucy can communicate all of her emotions. It seems silly perhaps, but today, again, it feels like I have witnessed something amazing.

Jake walked everyone out to the gate, and initiated goodbye to his Papa. He is getting very good at ducking into people’s arms for a small cuddle. Friends and family have noticed him initiating this more and more. He build relationship in his own way with each person.

When my dad left this morning Jake walked to the door too. Now it may be that he just knows he has a chance to escape, but I think he really is becoming a part of the good bye process without needing prompting. It was so nice to have BIAD here. We went crazy at the teacher supply store buying Lucy her birthday presents (art supplies, enough for a preschool), and he got to meet a bunch of people I know, even Sage made it back from Tahoe in time to meet him. He got to see Lucy swim and drop Jake off at school, eat Amici’s pizza (one of our favorites) and help me pick out a new coffee maker. He also relaxed on the couch and read a few books, which is probably exactly what he needed.

Now back to packing Jake for camp. My house is suddenly very very quiet. It is still very hot, and we saw lightning in the distance. Hoping Jake’s camp remains fire-free this summer.

So I got a Leetle sucked in…

when I recently ran across this article Young HA, et al, Thimerosal exposure in infants and neurodevelopmental disorders: An assessment of computerized medical
records in the Vaccine Safety Datalink, J Neurol Sci (2008), doi:10.1016/j.jns.2008.04.002

I am not one to flutter about (HA!) having the life sucked out of me by the Internets

okay Yes I am, but I really started to read this study and I thought KRAP..maybe that damn thimerosal is the culprit (knowing full well that Jake had no thimerosal in his vaccines…) It’s published by the Journal of Neurological Sciences it really seems legit, but it kept saying funny things (a direct quote follows):

“For example, 37% of autism cases in the study were diagnosed
after 5 years old with about 50% diagnosed after
4.5 years old. This is a conservative estimate since it includes
the 2 years (1995–1996) that had shorter follow-up times.
Examination of the distribution of age of diagnosis by birth
year for autism revealed that only about 15% of cases were
diagnosed after 5 years of age in the 1995 birth cohortwhile the
1996 cohort had no cases diagnosed after 5 years of age and
only 3.5% of cases diagnosed between 4.5 and 5 years of age.
Based on the average age at diagnosis for all cohorts, the 1995
count of autism cases was increased by 45 cases with the assumption
that all of these would have been added in the 5 year+
age group (bringing this percentage close to the overall average
of 37%diagnosed after 5 years of age). The same was done for
1996, but the number of cases was augmented by 80 because it
was assumed that these would be diagnosed in the 4.5 to 5 and
5+ groups essentially bringing the percentage diagnosed after
age 4.5 close to the overall average of 50% diagnosed after
4.5 years of age. The newaugmented frequency counts of cases
in 1995 and 1996 birth cohorts were then used as the new case
counts in the analysis.”

I am pretty sure if you re-read that a few times it seems like they ADDED autism diagnosis where there were none. They added them because in other years there were more? Because it seemed like there should have been more? Isn’t that not exactly examining the data? Isn’t that actually making up the data? I went poking around the Internet and discovered that I was not the only person to think it was a leetle bit off.. a much better explanation of all of the faults can be found over at Epi Wonk . Thank you Epi Wonk for being so smrt
(If you rad through responses to her post you’ll also find some of the best crazy comments by John Best who is a very angry man who I will not bother to link to.)

Anywhoo I know this has been out for about a month but as usual I am slow to respond. BTW it also seems like half of the references in the “study” reference one Geier or another. Isn’t that a little bit suspect as well?

okay all done…

Lucy dislocated her elbow today threatening to throw off our entire “escape from Deadwood” plan… I thought she cracked her wrist the way she was holding it. I was holding her hand when she decided she did not want to go get her special needs brother from the short bus (we need to drive down the hill to pick him up) She dropped to the floor and twisted at the same time. I heard a horrible sound. What I heard was her little bone slipping out from between her other two little bones. Yechh. She cried. I cried. I made an appointment to go to the urgent care where the doc promptly shoved her little elbow back together (making me feel a little like an idget since my dad and I had JUST talked about this happening to me 6 hours prior). It is called nursemaid‘s elbow. I called it milkmaid elbow in a Tweet earlier but I have now figured it out.
So she is fine now and Jake is sleeping soundly, and it is only 85 degrees outside at 12:20am and I only need to pack Lucy and Jake by tomorrow am. No big whoop.

I think I shall go to bed.